Held In Confidence
by KyraBear
Summary: Olivia admits something to Alex, about Elliot, to hold in confidence, but then it comes up in Court and they are stuck testifying.
1. Chapter 1

A.D.A Alex Cabot's Office

Wens. December 19th

"Alex? Do you have a minute?" Olivia said simultaneously opening the door and knocking on the hardwood. "Yeah?" The A.D.A. said looking up from her files. Her bright eyes shone out from her squared glasses. Her desk was cluttered with half open files and manila folders. The desk light glowed with a faint yellow that made her blonde hair shine brighter.

"Yeah?" She repeated tilting her head to the side. She played with the pen left in her hand, twirling it around before letting it drop to the yellow legal pad below.

"I, I would like to think that after all these years we could consider each other, call friends?" Olivia stated waiting for a contradiction from Cabot. Olivia's heart was on her sleeve with this one, ever since Alex had left her she felt an emptiness in her heart. Alex had been there for her in any case, taken the pressure off her, and most of all she had been her friend. But then she got shot, Olivia remembered the blood seeping through her fingers, and she held back tears, she thought that she had lost her best friend that day, and in some ways she had. Though Alex was now back Olivia still felt the ache in her heart, what if she leaves again She thought consistently before knocking on her wooden office door.

Alexandria just nodded and sent a smile to the hard ass detective. Even throughout the years and the cases where they disagreed Alex held a certain respect to the officer. She gestured her to the luxurious brown leather chair, in her stereotypical law yet effeminate office. She had missed this office, the worn leather, the smell of old books, the coffee brought to her late at night by a friend who worked just as hard and just as late.

Liv smiled and graciously took the seat but Alex could still see the anxiety in Benson's green eyes. Benson tried to push away the thoughts of the shooting, and of the protection program, she wanted to open up to Alex, to her favorite A.D.A and her best friend.

"If…" Olivia stumbled over her words uncommitted, to whether or not she wanted to go down this road. "If I told you something…. could you keep it in confidence? as a friend?" Olivia looked down at her nails rubbing the smooth surface of the lacquer shell.

Alex blinked once, twice, then cleared her throat, a lump slowly growing where her vocal chords sat.

"Well as a prosecutor I have to tell you that, if any of this comes up in court, I can't promise that I can lie for you." Cabot looked across the dark surface of her desk, which had been cluttered by a ridiculous amount of paper work. A small smile crept across Olivia's face.

"But as friend… Do you want to go out for a cup of coffee?" Alex laughed, and Olivia joined in, knowing that Alex knew every law, and their loop hole inside and out.

They walked silently down the hall to the elevator, and silent still down that. Alex was curious beyond belief about what Olivia had to tell her. Olivia was a closed of person, walls built long ago covering her bruised and battered heart.

Ever since the Alex had left though, things had gotten a little tense and Alex knew how lonely it felt. Wanting to call up her best friend, to tell her everything about her new life. Sometimes she had dialed Olivia's number, finger hovering over the call button but every time she stopped short of ringing.

She wanted to make it up to Olivia but didn't quite know how. So being given this, this opportunity to listen and to be a shoulder for whatever Olivia needed, she jumped at her needs, whatever they may be.

They made their way across the street and in line of the coffee shop, talking finally. They fell into the pattern of small talk and polite conversation about the case's they were both working on.

Olivia handed the cashier the money for their drinks leaving Alex to protest. "Are you sure?" She asked the usual edge in her voice gone.

"Absolutely." Olivia reassured her handing over the steaming latte to the tall blonde, both of their cups holding the now routinely spoken "Happy to serve you." It was a running joke through all of their team, the lawyers, captains and detectives alike all spoke it on the way out on of coffee run.

They sipped tentatively at their boiling hot lava of a drink, cups of coffee trying their best not to burn their sensitive lips. Stepping out into the cold night, steam rolled off their cups chilling it to a reasonably survivable temperature. Alex had just taken a draft of the dark bitter liquid, when Olivia let out in a rush the secret she had bottled up.

"I'm in love with Elliot!" Her outburst high pitched and so sudden that Alex took a spit take on the fresh and newly white snow. Turning the snow into a brown-black slush at her feet. She wiped the remnants of her coffee off her lips and took a good hard look at Olivia.

"What?" She said hesitantly, her stomach dropping ten feet past the subway tracks.

"I…. I love him Alex." Olivia said find her voice, saying it outloud had made her more sure than ever and she felt elated and depressed, and head over heels and drowning all at the same time.

"But he-" Alex started still standing still in the middle of the street looking at her, her blonde hair hanging awkwardly from her head in its current position of being cocked to the side.

"I know." Olivia said then she grabbed her friends arm, "Can we talk about this inside?" She asked the bone chilling cold of the winter night nipping at her fingers.


	2. Chapter 2

A.D.A Alex Cabot's Office

Wens December 19th

"Wait what? Just what.." She said once she was back behind her desk, in the chair that had supported her through many-a-case. Alex cupped her hands around the paper cup, the liquid within warming her hands.

"Alex, I love him. Plain and simple." Olivia said a blush creeping up on her cheeks, and she felt so much relief in being able to finally tell her best friend, things she had been hiding for months until she was sure.

"But he, he, he " She nearly stuttered, "Kathy?!"

"I know… I know, and I also know that he will never love me back, but it doesn't seem to stop my feelings." Olivia said hanging her head

"Are you sure you just don't love him? Platonically?" Alex pressed, the friend in her was trying to help, the prosecutor, trying to cope a single question from the defense and either of them could go down for perjury.

"I love him, I do and I have for a long time, but now I'm in love with him." Olivia said staring into the hazelnut colored coffee that she had recently bought.

"Does anyone else know?" Alex wondered aloud, she wished she could change the situation they were in, because although she will never admit it Alex had pictured them together, always happy, throughout the years.

She would watch the way Elliot's eyes would linger on Olivia's lips, or the way that Olivia would brush up against him in a teasing border line flirtatious manner, and she knew that they were one of the few people, who just might make it out okay, as long as they had each other.

"No, and they can't know, in fact, I told you so you could persuade me out of leaving."

"LEAVING?!" Alex repeated, having a hard time completing a full thought.

"Think of how it would compromise my judgement, compromise my partnership, our team. I can't have that on my head, and I can't seem to stop, stop wanting him, needing him." Olivia said and the vein in her left eyelid became present, as it always did when she began to stress out.

"Olivia, you are the best damn detective they have. There is no way that you are going to leave, that you could leave, and you know if you tried Cragen would have your ass." Alex said she knew that is what Olivia truly came for to tell her, her fear of leaving, and her heart wrenching loyalty to the badge.

"It will be okay." Alex said moving out from behind her desk, instead she took Olivia into her arms and held her in a fierce hug.


	3. Chapter 3

Special Victims Unit Precinct

December 20th

A young woman in a tight business skirt rushed to catch up with the detective she was assigned to. "Agent Benson?" She shouted out. In front of her a woman in dark slack pants and a dark blue blouse stopped in her tracks. She turned her head, her cropped brunette hair abruptly swinging into her face.

"Detective Olivia Benson?" She called out again closer this time to the shapely detective. Olivia turned on her heel to face the oncoming woman. "Yes, What can I do for you?" She asked shifting her weight, she was already late for a debriefing on her newest case, and she had a suspect to interview.

"You've been served." She said whipping out the dreaded blue pamphlet that nearly every cop tried to avoid. Olivia took it gingerly from her hands holding it as if it was a bomb waiting to go off.

The thin willowy figure of the messenger walked off free of her burden to continue her day, while Olivia stood staring at the papers struck dumb for a few moments longer.

Olivia took it to her desk before she unfolded it. She was being called into court for the side of defense, to a case she had been on. She read further but it didn't give an exact reason for why she was being called.

Olivia rushed to her phone ignoring Munch or Fin's jeering calls. She dialed quickly, knowing the number by heart, "They have called me to defense." She said panicky to Alex.

"Shit." Was all Alex said but they were both thinking the same things.

What was the defense planning?

What would they find out?

Could Alex cross examine her?

Why? Why? Why?

The thoughts swirled around their collective minds until Cragen stepped out of his office and called Olivia away.

"Talk to you later." Olivia said briefly before hanging up the phone, her heart racing waiting for the day in court to find the answers.

Alex paced in her office sweat forming on her forehead, what would happen to the case if Olivia told the truth of her feelings, in court. More importantly what would happen to Olivia?


	4. Chapter 4

Supreme Court

Court room 105

Case 368

December 28th

Olivia was just getting sworn into the witness box when Elliot stumbled into the room, fixing his sloppy tie. The long aisles nearly full, he was surprised, not many people came to observe cases like this. He made his way down the aisle and into a seat on the long wooden bench, walking past the boney knees that was in his way. "Sorry, sorry." He mumbled to those that he passed quickly taking a seat his face red, nearly as dark as the maroon tie he wore round his neck, from the interruption he had caused.

Olivia looked up briefly to see the only person standing in the courtroom, her partner, running late with messy, wrinkled, slept in clothes, he sent her an equally sloppy smile that made her heart race a little faster. A smile she returned before getting back to the matter at hand.

"I do." She said finishing the oath she had taken so many times she was sure she could do it in her sleep, but this one, was a wild card that kept her on the edge of her seat.

The defense attorney David Jackson stood up from his seat, he had already sent his opening statements and all the formalities. His dark black hair was slicked back and Alex couldn't help but think that was appropriate, she had had run ins with him before and he was a sleaze ball, but somehow he always made the jury forget that.

"Detective Olivia Benson?" he said his deep voice catching both her and the jury off guard. "How would you describe the attack?"

"Excuse me?" Olivia said caught off guard already, his question nearly toppled her, she was a witness for the defense, he should be asking the exact opposite just what was he trying to pull?!

"Please, just answer the question." He asked her trying to soften his voice to be a sort of relatable tone.

"Uh." Olivia blinked before starting. "It was rape. Brutal and vicious and ended with the murder of Gloria Gardens." Her voice hardened at the thought of the young woman found at the bottom of the stairs.

"Brutal? I believe the definition of brutal is savagely violent." He said looking down at an open dictionary that lay on the defense table. He turned back and made eye contact with the jury catching each members eyes in turn before facing Olivia once more. "Isn't it true that Gloria, was found with little to no external harm? Would you call that brutal?"

"Objection, your honor" Alex said standing up, her gut telling her that something was seriously going wrong with this line of questioning. "Relevance?"

"Overruled." The judge said loud enough for the court to hear, "But get to the point quickly Mr. Jackson."

"Externally she may not have been brutalized, but it was still a violent attack, ending with her death." Olivia said angrily, she couldn't believe that he would downplay such a vile and horrible crime. "But I am not an expert on the medical field."

"So you're saying that I shouldn't ask you about brutality of the victim? What about the brutality of your partner, Detective Elliot Stabler, when he arrested my client?"

Olivia's heart dropped. Now she understood, he was trying to discredit the police to have the charges dropped, and what better way than to eliminate the head detective of the case.

"Objection Argumentative!" Alex realizing this too and was trying desperately to find anyway out of this line of questioning.

The judge opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by none other than David Jackson.

"It would be if there wasn't evidence, but their is, my client was admitted with: A bloody nose, bruising on his jaw and his left eyebrow ridge. And that is just what was found on his face your honor."

"I'll allow it, but don't you think that Detective Stabler would be a better witness for this line of questioning Mr. Jackson." She said looking down from her throne, the horn rimmed glasses low on the bridge of her nose as she peered down at him.

"Oh I assure you, we will get to him." He responded hiding a vicious sneer.

"Now. Olivia, would you say that you have a violent partner?"

"No." Olivia replied curtly, trying desperately to rein in her emotions.

"No? Well it says here in his personnel file that he has a history of allegations for police brutality and excessive force. So you would say he wasn't violent, even after all that?" He asked cocking his head to the side faking a sense of confusion, he had the jury on his hook now.

"Detective Stabler, uses exactly the right amount of force, and as you said they are just allegations." Olivia responded fighting the urge to look at her partner, though she snuck a few brief glances here and there.

"Were you there when he arrested my client, the defendant Mr. Jones?" He asked lazily unfazed by her response.

"No."

"And why was that?"

"I had a family emergency."

"Was there truly an emergency or was it just a ploy so you couldn't incriminate your partner?"

"Objection Wild speculation!" Alex was shocked at just how much this lawyer thought he could get away with.

"Sustained."

"Would you lie for your partner?" He said finding a new angle for the same questioning.

Olivia stayed silent, she knew in her heart that she would, but admitting that could lead to cause for a mistrial. She bit the inside of her cheek, saying no would lead to perjury.

"Detective, answer the question." He prodded.

"No." she said evenly, and hoped to hell that all her years as a cop had taught her how to lie.

"What would you say your relationship is with Detective Stabler?" He asked.

"Relevance?" Alex called out, his question had sent her heart rate skyrocketing.

"Overruled, but Mr. Jackson I implore you to keep your questions directly focused on this case."

"Your honor, I must establish her relationship to the attacker of my client in order to prove that she would cover up such a crime."

"Now. Your relationship detective?"

"We are partners." Olivia calmly stated even though her palms were now slippery with sweat.

"Do you want to be more, more than partners?"

"I dont understand."

"Are you or do you want to be romantically involved with Detective Elliot Stabler?"

Elliot looked up at that last question, he had been calmly listening to the allegations against him, waiting for something that the jury would hold onto. But at this his head snapped up. He caught Olivia's eye and waited. He wanted to shake his head no, tell her to say no, that it would fix everything, but he couldn't. Because he wanted to know what she thought. Wanted to know if she looked at him, thought of him, felt for him in that way.

Olivia's heart clenched up. She froze, couldn't answer, all she could do was helplessly watch the seconds tick by on the clock above the jury.

"Detective? You must answer the question." The judge said softly.

"I- I can't" Olivia barely whispered, not even sure she had said it aloud.

"If you can't answer the question we must hold you in contempt." The judge warned from above her.

"I know."

"And your answer?"

"Hold me in contempt." She whispered and closed her eyes, knowing she might have just sealed not only her fate, but the fate of this trial, of their case.

The judge banged the gavel against the wooden block on the judges table. And armed guards walked to the box she sat on, taking her away out of the room and away from the questions that stirpped her heart bare.


	5. Chapter 5

Court House Jail

December 28th

Olivia's straight hair hung down around her, shading her face from the guards. She watched her intertwined hands, staring at her over lapping thumbs, when she heard the slam of a door in the distance.

Foot steps preceded her way and she lifted her head long enough to see the familiar dark blue wrinkled suit that she had made fun of so many times. She stood up embarrassed, annoyed and a little infatuated.

"Hey Elliot." She said softly, she met his eyes gently, a guard standing behind him, in a sort of non verbal threat.

"God they have me in here like I'm the criminal." She said trying to laugh but the noise wouldn't make it past her dried lips.

"Hey Olivia." He responded, he wasn't sure what he wanted to say to her, just that he wanted to be there. He didn't know how to ask the question hanging so heavily in the air.

"Elliot, I - I want to explain myself." She started and she took a deep breath, it was time she stopped hiding behind the walls she built, she knew he would never feel the same way, she just wanted him to understand.

"El…. " She felt sick, sure she was going to lose the meager breakfast she had managed to eat despite the nerves that plagued her all week.

"... I …. Elliot I love you… I do, and I know that you will never feel the same, I know that you will never leave Kathy and I know that this will break our partnership, so I sent in my resignation, I'm moving, I don't know where I'm going yet, but I know I can't work with you any more, because everytime I see you I don't know whether to cry or to laugh or to tell you and I can't live like that."

Olivia took a breath and she watched for a reaction but his face was a stone wall. "I - I just needed you to know, to know why."

"Olivia." He started his voice low.

" I understand, Elliot I do, you need to go now, they are going to call you in any minute and now you will be able to tell the truth and not worry about me. Just, tell Cragen if you have to but keep it a secret." Olivia's words were pouring out like loose sand and she couldn't hold them in anymore. She let everything burst, all of her insecurities. " Besides I'll never be good enough for you, I'm no Kathy, I'm broken Elliot, I would never be enough for you. I couldn't be who you need me to be. I'm not strong enough Elliot, and I don't know if I will ever be able to let someone in. Kathy is strong and she loves you, and god, she is gorgeous too and -"

Olivia was about to go into yet another thing that she believed that Kathy was better at when Elliot grabbed her face in his hands, through the bars that was and brought her face gently to his. He kissed her through the bars, both of them straining to be closer, their faces squishing against the steel until it was almost painful.

When he pulled away she looked at him with wide eyes. He unlocked the door to her cell and she walked to him. "I left Kathy. A few weeks ago, the divorce papers where in the mail a week ago."

He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back into a hug "Olivia, its okay, you can continue the trial and lie your beautiful ass off now." He said into her hair, and she cracked a smile.

She pulled out his arms but left her left hand in his right. She nodded to the guard, who nodded back, hiding a soft smile, his name tag read Dan and Olivia was sure she had seen him somewhere.

Dan, the court guard, had always been a romantic and he had seen something in these two detectives through everything, through all the different cases they had tried here.

Dan smiled and opened the door for the couple, hands still intertwined., knowing they were about to lie to save everything, about to lie to save each other, and to save themselves.


	6. Chapter 6

Supreme Court

Court room 105

Case 368

December 28th

"Your honor, I would like permission to re-question to witness. She has agreed to talk now." Alex said to the judge once she heard that Olivia was coming back out of the cell.

"Granted, but the defense will be rewarded that same right, and they will start with their line of questioning." The judge said then banged her gavel down once and twice before Olivia was escorted back into the seat.

David Jackson stood back up from the seat he had occupied during the recess. "Detective Benson." He started and from the arrogance of his tone, everyone could tell he thought he was winning, with Olivia's remove from the court he thought he had it in the bag, and he wasn't afraid of bringing her to tears if thats what it took.

"Yes?" She said calm and collected, she even let a smile breath of relief out of her chest when she saw Elliot sit down in the third row back behind the prosecution table.

"Why did you refuse the question?" He asked shooting the question across the courtroom like a bullet.

"I was afraid I would hurt someone I am close to." She responded repressing the comments she wanted to shoot back. Now that she knew Mr. Jackson couldn't hurt her she had some choice words for him, Ass hole and Sick Bastard came to mind.

"But you're not afraid of that now?"

"Yes."

"Why not?"

"Because I realize now that it would do the opposite, help not hurt."

"Mmm…. Interesting. So, as I was saying before. Do you have romantic feelings for your partner?"

"No." She said evenly, the lie hurt more than she thought it would but when she looked up she saw Elliot's bright blue eyes reassuring her.

"Why not? Is he not attractive?"

"For all the time I have known him he has only loved one person." She said unfolding and refolding her hands in her lap.

"Thank you Detective, that is all." He said and looked dejected, the witness he thought would make his case, is well, not as compliant, he would just have to tear down Elliot on the stand.


End file.
